At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
