lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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