That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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