From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
