he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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