Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
