I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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