The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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