I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
