wrigley field is MILF paradise
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
