a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
