we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
