Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
