If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
