I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
