Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
