Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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