Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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