I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
