i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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