yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
