Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
