that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
