I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
