If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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