I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
time to smoke my breakfast
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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