I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
His hands were made for my vagina.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
