I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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