I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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