I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
