just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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