i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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