she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
