To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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