im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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