I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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