Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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