Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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