i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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