i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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