if i can run in heels then i can drive
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
