Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
