grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
