Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
third nipple confirmed
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
