You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
