Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
