I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
