I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
