Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
