chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
