OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
